Having hope once again
Yes, I have started riding with a little more pressure on my horse, and suddenly I feel in control again, and I feel that my horse is listening to me a whole lot more.
I jumped her today, for the first time after the competition, and I had a much stronger canter and a lot more impulsion, I could do what ever I wanted. She suddenly listened much more as well attentively, jumped much more willingly, and didn't do anything stupid.
I noticed that these last three days while I was riding alone, that I had become so much better! Suddenly I rode more, I demanded more, I got more, suddenly the horse is much softer, and much more balanced, and anything I want I can suddenly do. It's like a whole new energy that bursts out of me that makes my riding a much higher level.
I realize that up till now I was more like a passenger on my horse, that I was carried to the fences, and she had to decide alone what to do. Yes, I did help her with the distances, but not with the energy. And now, I was in control of the energy as well, and suddenly, I felt that I'm earning the jump, and that I really tell her everything, and it's so amazing, because she listens so well to what ever I say.
Today I told her- hey, you do it my way, but you have to do it, and she immediately said OK! And we where like a great team once again, only this time my hands were on the wheel and not hers…and that felt so much better…!
It's not easy for me to demand because I feel that I'm not a nice person when I do that, as if the fact that I demand means that I don't really love her, because I don't ask her opinion…but, actually, it's better this way, it's better also for her to feel that she has to follow. And actually, in nature, horses don't have symmetric relationship- one is always the leader, and one is the follower…and this is why horses are so good at training your control skills, because if you're not in control you can be sure that someone else will be.
The goal I have now is to be the one in control, but not do it in a brutal way.
When I am nice to my horse and calm, I'm usually too soft, and I forget to demand…and when I'm strong, I can be too demanding, and forget to feel.
I want to feel the middle, I want to demand, but be able to be soft when possible.
I think I am on the right track to making it happen. I feel so much better after this last jumping session today. Especially because it was me, not a trainer who helped me- I discovered myself completely alone, and I know that I'm the best person who can help me…