יום ראשון, 16 בינואר 2011

Few inside thoughts…

Few inside thoughts…

I have some visions that I want to carry out in my life so I'm writing this wish list… "What do I want?"…so I will be able to look at this wish list I have…and don't lie to yourself…I have so many more wishes…but I will take them one at a time…
So- I can see myself already with a Romanian passport, and already maybe representing Romania…and I can imagine the sponsors and the television and all the press surely would love the come back of Rozeanu's unbeatable sporting spirit…the same spirit of my grandmother!
And also, I already see myself fighting over our family's land that's in Romania…and after receiving that…I know I won't really need to work…at least not for money…

…and I have another vision. I see myself, with some of my riders in Israel, going on a truck, the truck is a sports truck for horses, and has the peace sign on it; it will be a sport for peace truck. And we will go with our horses, from Israel, to compete in our neighbor's countries like Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Jordan and more. I know this dream sounds really dangerous, but I think that raising sponsors for this one could be done quite easily, and well, doing it for real…it's scary, but maybe with the right guards it can work…the problem is that if something bad happens…then we are somewhere in the enemy's territory…or some where dead…and I have to say that that is a really bad end to my vision, but it's the most logical ending…maybe not on the way to the competition…because not many people will probably know about it…but on the way back…after we represented Israel…well, we need only one fanatic person to end this dream in a very bad way…and maybe even trying to make this dream happen is already very dangerous…
I can't get the Olympic Games in Germany out of my head, when the Israeli competitors were killed…that could definitely happen again…and to go to a place with hostile terrorists …well…I am not sure…
But wouldn't it be really nice if it did work…just imagine…the peace truck…the Israeli riders…the sportive environment in the competition…we have it all the time here, in Europe…when I meet an Egyptian rider, or the Jordanian rider, or the Qatar team…we immediately become friends, and we have so much in common, and we can understand each other better than the European boxed shape can…so actually, we are already friends when we are far away from the area of conflict …
I know that I'll probably have to say something about the conflict area…so I will:
My opinion is that this is a real problematic issue, since both sides are right. Both sides are entitled to have this holy land. Both sides love it so much, and both sides, like two brothers who fight for the cheese…and what can we do…there is only one, small piece, of cheese…but both sides know that once, in the past it was only there's…and it was…so every one is right…what can you do next?
Well, we could split the cheese…but both sides will keep on being very hungry…and both sides are already very hungry…
Ok, we could say that the cheese belongs to everyone…but then… everyone remains very hungry, and fight will definitely be for the cheese…so…I don't see any solution that will keep everyone happy. Really I don't. Only if one side would give it away…but why should someone give it away?
Imagine that 100 years ago, I had a wonderful house. Then, there was a war, and after 50 years you get the same house, and then there is peace, and you have to leave the house and another person gets it. Whose house is it? Now imagine that this story goes on and on for more than 2000 years? …whose house is it? And who can really prove who was there first?

And this same story- I am afraid will happen to me in Romania in a few years… my grandmother's parents had a huge piece of real-estate, then, there was a war, and the country took all the Jewish property for itself…now, I want to claim it back…but maybe, there are already other people who bought this land from Romania…imagine I come and get it back…they will want no less than just kill me for taking their house from them…and you see how easy it is to start another war, in another place, about the land…
I think that if the Romanian government is smart- they will maybe give me land- but in a location that people haven't settled yet…and this is probably possible because Romania is so big…
But if not?
Who should be the one to give out his land? Me? The Romanian Government? Maybe the new owner who already paid and invested on that same land…? Who should it be?





In two days my mother is coming!!!
I want to tell you about the change between Sona and me.
After I came back from the weekend in France, and after she didn't answer my SMS asking for her help, we both met again, on Monday's evening.
And I didn't speak with her, I sometimes say things that will make her upset…because I was…as you can understand…hurt by her not replying.
Then I sat with myself and said, if a person doesn't want to help you it's his choice. You can't make a person like you, and you can't make a person help you. It's OK, so you've asked for help, but she didn't reply, and it's her way to show that she isn't interested in helping somebody she hardly knows…and there I was, standing between two options. One was to behave like a bitch, and put lot's of bad energies in the air, and the other was to let it go, to understand it, to remember that she doesn't owe me anything, and to try and just enjoy the last two weeks we have to spend together until I move to France. And so I chose the latter. I know also she felt uncomfortable about the situation, but in the evening, near the television, we started breaking the ice again, I started offering her coffee, and candies, and everything was much lighter and happier again. We even smiled to each other when we passed each other in the stable, and for sure it's a much nicer environment to be in.

Speaking of changing behaviors from the inside that impact the environment…
I owe lots of thanks to Oren, from the former workplace I had in Israel.
He was a riding instructor, just like me, and the working environment was really big for my taste, too many people, horses, 600 students…and not that much equipment or many riding places. So, you have to get along with the environment and work together as a team…but, as you can already understand from my background, I am not used to working in a team. So, at first, when you're new, of course you get the shitty horses, the shitty students and the shittiest places to work in, and I, being a princess, immediately felt hurt by that. I knew how good I am, and I wanted to be treated like the best instructor in the area, because I certainly felt like one…
So, I began to fight with all the instructors, and I became a person that you don't want to have around…moody, shouting, and frustrated and, for sure, not friendly.
So, I remember that at one point, Oren came to work inside the place I was working at, and I sent him out …
He said to me: "are you here to work or are you here to fight?"
After that day, I went home and Anat was there to care of my broken soul. I didn't really know what to do, everyone hated me, and I really wanted to fix the situation.
Oren's sentence was the key to my change of behavior. And Anat was the mental instructor I had in order to carry out this change.
She explained to me that people don't do things to me just to hurt me. And that I should always try to look at a conflict situation from both sides, to try to understand the other person's position as well as my own, and then try to solve the situation together, as a team…
After that, I became more and more calm and peaceful at work, I started looking to help people more, I began treating people as part of my team, and I acted like I was part of their team. I started moving together as a group, and of course, I started to feel that I belong in this group.
In due time, people could get closer and closer to me, and then, it was also easier for them to start to appreciate my level of training and my level of riding, and there it was, slowly but surely I became one of the best instructors in the workplace. But then something new happened: the fight for the title of "best instructor in the place" started, and it was between me and Tal.
As I look back, I completely understand her position, and I feel sorry for her, because the manager of the stable kept bringing in new figures that competed for her place, and he never really said to her "Taly, you are the main instructor here, and all the rest are under your supervision." That for sure would have made her happier.
But, the field was open to everyone, and it gave me the opportunity to show my skills. The competitive environment was so strong that one day, when one of her students, Hagar, decided to train with me instead of with her, all the kids stopped talking with her, and she was in war with all the "Tal side" of the place…
The next important point was the Israeli championship, where I trained Hagar and her horse Angelina.
No one at the stable would talk to us, that is, to me, the "new comer", or to Hagar, the "traitor" who had shifted to the "enemy's side."
But, as for God's wheel, true support, best riding, some luck, and, now that I think of it, as for true belief ad well, they all played their part, and after three days of very hard work, Hagar won first place!!!!
I was so tired after that event, I think I was even ill for a few days, because I gave her all the belief, power, self-esteem and skill I could, and I kept her going, together with Anat, for three days, when she actually wanted to quit after the first day. It was really hard, but the feeling of overcoming all the troubles, all the bad energies from the surrounding environment and then to have her recognized as the best in the competition: I cannot explain how good that feels! To accomplish something that you truly believe you can, while all the others are really not supportive of what you are doing, but you do succeed…that feels so good! I think this is why I love competition, because when I succeed, I love myself so much, I feel so good and it is so worth it…
Sadly I have to say that after this event, Hagar and I could never really continue working together, I felt she was too afraid to try again to overcome her fears, because when you reach such a high level of success, you can fall into the trap of not wanting to do less. And afterwards, she never really focused on learning anymore, and she never really wanted to compete anymore…and slowly but surely, our strong relationship came apart. But I guess not everyone is built to be an Olympic champion.
I know that when I succeed, usually the competition that comes afterwards becomes a really frightening occasion for me, because I don't want to disappoint myself. Nevertheless, I always love to keep being the best I can be, and I think that is what keeps me going. The horses also present a challenge: they get older, and you have to switch to another horse, or maybe buy a new one, and so, you build a whole new team relationship together. That way it's always remains a challenge for me, a challenge that involves feelings and reacting toward the horse, and this way I keep on practicing my team work relationship, and also, I keep on feeling myself through the horse.



Today my mother is coming to be with me for one week….I am so happy….
I think I have never spent so much time with her, only she and I…so that will for sure bring us closer…I will tell you all about it in the next few pages.

I started doing more sports- walking in the evenings, doing stomach exercises and doing stretches.
This way I want to help my body become stronger and more flexible, and I believe this will improve my riding as well as my back…so; I started giving to my body, and not just taking…
Another thing that I am facing is the eating, I feel so  unbalanced with my eating, I buy lots of candies…which I really love…and I eat them, in my opinion, too much…
I want also to eat more like an athlete, but it has to be food that I like, otherwise, I won't keep on doing that.
I remember Nancy telling me, just before I went on to Europe, that I should watch out not too eat too much out of loneliness and frustration…and every time I eat too much, I remember her telling me that…
I saw a lot of eating problems in my family…my father can eat everything, a whole fridge, without stopping, every time he has a need for something, he solves it with food. So, I have seen this example, and I know that I can become just like that (it's in my blood…),  I want to be in balance, in every way I can, so next time I'll eat more than usual, I'll speak with myself about what I'm really missing, and try to take care of that. Try to solve the real issue, and leave the fridge out of it…


My way of addressing an addiction problem… (Try this at home…)

When you start to understand the reasons you started doing it, than you have completed faze one.
Phase two- is understanding the role it has in your life today- for example- smoking- can be a way to communicate with other people, can be an excuse for taking a break, can be a friend when you are alone, can be a way you decided that when you do it- it's a sigh for relax, or for telling the environment that you are heart, upset, like a call for help…
Once you understand the role, then you really are on the right track!!!
Then what's left is to choose what you want to do? Do you want to keep on using the smoking as a bridge to yourself? Or do you want to try and face the world without a helping stick? If you choose to continue- OK, and if you choose to face the real feeling inside you- please keep on reading…

Are you there? Congratulations! The next advice would be:
Since it's a habit, you have to help yourself get rid of it. For example-
Eat chewing gum instead, or an apple, or whatever…
The next thing, for the first few months, try to avoid situations that you where used to doing the addiction in-
Like: take fewer breaks, or, take a break with people who don't smoke…and take a gum with you…
Drink less coffee, don't go to friend that with them you are used to smoking.
Avoid any situation that after it you are used to smoking…

Well, I have helped few people before to quit smoking…and they used to smoke a lot…also, I was a smoker, for 7 years, and I quit in one day…but that was only a matter of strong will to stop…I was too young to speak with myself and really understand things and situations…


I have just spoke with Anat, my former partner in life, and current partner in managing the Haparashim Stable riding club.
In this stable I used to be the trainer, and the horses as well as the riders were developing slowly but surely, and almost every one was happy, except, maybe, the riders that wanted to develop more quickly. I always used to explain them that going up too fast is a sure way to go down, and that I prefer to build a stable and sound base…
But, as for my dream, and as for the close boundaries in Israel, which block us in a very small horse industry, I moved to Europe, and we had to find another trainer to work with my riders…and we did find this 22 years old guy, that used to learn from the same people in Holland that I am at their place at the moment…until I move to France.


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