My new Home...

My new home…

Well we arrived at the stable of Caroline and Vibe, in Meijel.

I got place to put my horse, my stuff and myself, and of course, the cat.

I immediately put the cat with all his stuff in the room, so he could eat, drink and most important- shit or pee after 12 hours closed in his box.

After that I took care of Igrene, putting a cream on her wound, praying again, and putting her in her stall (hmmm…much smaller than the one she had in Israel). Then I took care of myself, without much energy, I arranged my stuff, and finally went to sleep. That was around 4-5 o'clock in the morning.

I woke up around 11:45, and heard some horse's sounds. I looked out from my room's window, and saw a woman, with blond hair, riding a young horse. I started wondering, is this Caroline? Or maybe this is one of the employees?

After a few minute, a girl with a helmet came by riding, and then I had my answer right there!

After making a small arrangement in my room, I went downstairs, and introduced myself to Caroline and to the other girl. This girl's name is Wendy, and she turned out to be a very nice person to have around.

"At 13:00 o'clock we eat together," said Vibe, and I immediately felt good and at homey.

In the meantime, I had ridden just a little; Igrene felt good but a bit hot. (That is an expression for a horse that behaves like it has pepper in its behind and wants to run.)

We where also dealing with the arrangements for Igrene and I to compete in Holland. So Igrene now has a chip, and I need a letter from the Israeli federation that allows me to compete in the 130 c"m course with Igrene. We also need a Ferrier to fix the shoeing with studs for grass.

My first week…

It's Sunday, a good day to do everything I want to do but don't have time for during the week.

Laundry, clean my room, etc'.

Yes, I am very bored here.

I had a strange week. At first, jumping lessons in the indoor arena were amazingly good.

Second- jumping lessons outside were extremely bad, well, not that bad, it's only that my hand are slightly wounded and the horse has stiff muscles, both of us aren't happy, but besides that- she jumps well and she is the most wonderful creature here in the stable.

Now, it's hard to say it, but I'm starting to feel doubts about this place. The people are great; the place is good enough, not luxurious, but something I can afford.

The thing is that I'm not sure I like the chemistry with the trainer here. I mean, he's ok, but I need someone that will also see my soul. Yes, I know that I'm special in my own way, and I know that I'm sensitive, and that when I have a problem, and he just lets me sit there and bubble, that's not the way I want my trainer to behave!

I want, and expect a trainer like me, that will, if there's a problem, not stick to his current lesson plan but instead change the lesson's plan!!!!!!!!!!!

And now, I'm thinking to myself- that during the lesson I felt like I was taking a test. I don't feel secure; I feel as if I have to prove my worth all the time.

Fuck it. It's all inside me, and I'm not perfect, but yes, I want to be better.

Only when I don't ride well enough- I want help and understanding, not someone to beat down on me. And that is lacking here for me at the moment.

So, I was thinking about it, and I know what the problems are:

I sit out of the saddle- I need to relax my knees and sit deeper.

Also- I don't call the horse back after landing…and that is why there are the problems of running after the fence.

Now, what I want to do is, first of all, relax!!! Think only of my horse and me! All the rest can shit in their underwear!!!

Then, I want to sit and find a way to call her back so as to keep her from riding on, and not stand and pull and stop like I did in the last lesson!

I know that in the lesson I was stressed. Maybe it's only inside my head- but these are the thoughts that I have heard, that stressed me:" we, the Dutch people are the best, and you, the Israelis, Turkish and what ever don't know shit, so, it is only natural that you, Miss Orly Herbst from Israel, will not do well…"

This week, people from Turkey came to check some horses for a girl who is now going to switch from ponies to horses, and this will be her first horse.

They came, and the trainer, with jeans, no helmet, no nothing, mounted the horse and started riding it. She didn't sit well, and from the side it didn't really look professional. Now the people here where all very nice and kind, but you could see what they were thinking inside…and now, when I think about it- this is why I was  stressed on Friday- on my jumping lesson. I kept on thinking that I wasn't good enough, I was afraid to ride like this Turkish woman, and afraid to get laughed at!!!

Yep,

I'm a little special, but I had a reasonable reason to think like that, and, well, I'm sure they think that I'm not so good right now. But the thing is that I came here to learn, not to be put down. Not that they put me down, only not really putting me up as well for the moment…

What else?

I want to be better- but I'm not sure how I see myself-

Am I an amateur rider who wants to be the best but as a hobby?

Or do I want to be a professional rider, who wants to become a professional in the international arena…? (And my wish is to become like one!!!)

For now- I am not sure where I belong.

At the moment I'm thinking- how can I get to ride more horses?

I can find a rich guy, marry him, and ride the whole livelong day. The only problem is that then I would have to give something- like love and sex, and if I marry for the money- then I'm not really in love with the person, and then- if I "give" sex- then I'm a high class prostitute…

Also- I could buy more horses. Let us say I begin with one, and then I ride two horses, and also compete on both…yep, sounds better, but I think three would be the best. Actually- four would be perfect. Then I would need a track and a trailer, and also a person to help me. (Not necessarily, I could also deal with three or four horses my self…can I?).

Another plan would be to ride for clients. But- how do I reach these clients?

This would be the best option- because then I'd even be paid for doing that, and also better my riding skills. The problem is- that I couldn't make too many mistakes, otherwise I'd loose the clients…..

So- the simplest way is to buy another horse, and find a way to keep it without spending more money.

Now,  I could also buy a horse, make it better and sell it, but then I'd be taking all the risk on myself, and also have to keep the horse until it's sold, and also get attached (this is where the hobby part in me comes out very strongly. I don't like selling horses! I want all of them for myself; I want to kiss them and take care of them and love them for all the good things they have helped me achieve in my life! And especially, the joy I have when I am around them).

I would like to try and sell horses for others on the internet. It's one possibility- I could take commissions. The other possibility is, and I could do it on regular basis, act as barter for horse pension and training.

I already told this to Vibe, and I'll see what he thinks of it. Maybe it'll work out great and maybe not.